Marry a person if she/he is close to 50 % of the quality what ur Mom has. Else get urself with the arrangement made for filing a divorce before marriage. Its eternal truth that no one other than ur mom in the world understands u better. Follow it and have a successful married life. Good luck all bachelors.
Thanks.. thanks a million for the article.. your words completely reflect my thoughts.. yet i cud never have expressed them in a better manner.
having been brought up in a liberal environment, there was not "boy" and "girl" in my family.. or rather "man" and "woman" .. but having interacted with so many women in work and and personal life, ur rite in saying that women now are far too independent and therefore uncompromising these days in their married life.. they are ready to put everything at stake and move out at the slightest inconvenience..
we cant blame them completely as its earlier male generation which has spoilt it all.. women learn from the experiences around them.. but they need to ACT and not REACT.. not everyone is as bad as they imagine and there is a fine line between being Cautious and being Defensive...
marriage is fun.. ur partner is ur bestest friend.. u have fun day in and day out.. just like college times.. they share they compromise they sacrifice, without anyone being felt used .. thats wot married life ought to be .. na?
We must amend our laws where only in laws are responsible for bride exploitation. As per law, father, mother, sister and brother are not at all connected or their consent is not needed for marriage, whereas on complaint from bride, all the put behind jail. IIndly whatever the girl says is right, all others are wrong. What is this law. may be framed to save dowry deaths etc., but when mis used-no punishment to the girl side relatives or to the girl. This has created imbalance in social norms.
While the author is trying to collate most of the actual reasons for failure of marriages. She has forgotten a few cases where the husband is seen as a milking cow by the wife's family. Wife doesnt want husbands family to be with her, but wants his money and him with her own family. IF the husband objects to this situation, then dowry harassment and domestic violence cases are filed against him and his family. When the marital discord has the a far-reaching consequence of the whole family to being arrested, there is not much trust that remains amongst both the partners. Marriages cannot work under duress or threat of a loss of face in society. Women are pampered these days in their maternal houses and expect the same pampering from their matrimonial houses, in the absence of which they find it difficult to 'adjust'. Add to it the stereotype of the mother-in-law being the vamp, they see things from a different plane altogether.
Re: Re: Aspects of failed marriages
by subir chatterjee on Nov 21, 2012 11:41 AM
How do you know he is speaking from personal experince ? This is the condition of most men in India . The trivialisation of mens issues by other men is the main reason for the pathetic condiction men in marraiges.. and men like yourself are primarily responsible for this .
Re: Re: Re: Aspects of failed marriages
by vineeth tk on Nov 22, 2012 04:50 PM
Rightly said subir.."The trivialisation of mens issues by other men is the main reason for the pathetic condiction men in marraiges."
Emancipation of women has disrupted the age old notion of women needing to do household work. But this seems to have been reconciled by majority of affected men. You would not find more cooking bai's in any city other than mumbai. Men and their family's disgruntlement at their wife's no conformist attitude is more a grievance than a real deal breaker.
I believe there are much stronger reasons at play, which might not crossed the author's mind. One of them is incompatibility of values, which most young couple's ignore during their courtship days. What is minor difference in college days, will seem mightly important when parents and later children come into the equation.
I can unequivocally quote, western lifestyle and culture has been more rapidly absorbed by a vast majority of young Indian women than by men or rest of older society. Strangely, such women expects the rest of the society move on with them rather than making an effort to slow down and connect with the rest of the world slowly ambling behind.
Its funny that so called bra burning feminists are not cause for bad marraiges. They are so strong headed and frank to put across their needs before any alliance. They end up never marrying as they lose faith in their own ability to adjust to world at large. I respect feminists for their clarity of thought.
But the real problem lies with men and women, who really dont know what they really want out of life.
Re: Partly correct, but not necessarily accurate
by Li Na on Nov 21, 2012 06:48 PM
mature comment!! I think you have a better understanding of the issue than the author!
SMITA(Saving Men from Intimate Terror Act) will protect men from below form of abuses at the hands of their wives.
Physical abuse : Husbands and Male partners have presented serious evidence of been scratched , punched , bit , things thrown at them by their female partners apart from attacks with deadly instruments. b. Emotional abuse : Demands to forcefully separate the husband from his parents and family , demand for separate residence, threat of Police action and legal recourse if the wife's demands are not met were .
c. Verbal abuse : Calling husbands and male partners derogatory names with an intent to demean and hurt. Many husbands provided evidence of suffering of such verbal abuse for decades primarily due to their specific inability to earn an income as per the demands of their spouses.
d. Legal abuse : The acts of misusing the state machinery and laws like 498a and DV act to abuse men and unleash intimate terror.
e.Sexual abuse: Using consensual physical relations to coerce a man for either financial payments and/or forced marriage . Threatening to file cases of rape and molestation after consensual physical relations. Forcing men to start families against their will and denying physical relation in a matrimonial relation if to irrational and unreasonable demands are not fulfilled.
Re: SMITA Act being contemplated against Intimate Terror by women
by rajesh on Nov 21, 2012 11:23 AM
subir- you looks to be tortured by your wife. why you married such lady int eh first place. it was love or arranged marrige. why do not you divorce.
Re: Re: SMITA Act being contemplated against Intimate Terror by w
by subir chatterjee on Nov 21, 2012 11:45 AM
@Rajesh, I was not tortured by anyone .Why in India does anyone speaking for welfare of men treated like a person speaking from his own experince? Why are men's right politically incorrect while womens rights are championed ? While men who have happy marraiges work for women's rights men working for mens rights are looked down upon . This is the primary reason that over 65000 husbands are driven to suicide every year and have nowhere else to go to . By the way Happy belated International Men's Day ( IMD) .
Re: Re: SMITA Act being contemplated against Intimate Terror by w
by subir chatterjee on Nov 21, 2012 11:45 AM
@Rajesh, I was not tortured by anyone .Why in India does anyone speaking for welfare of men treated like a person speaking from his own experince? Why are men's right politically incorrect while womens rights are championed ? While men who have happy marraiges work for women's rights men working for mens rights are looked down upon . This is the primary reason that over 65000 husbands are driven to suicide every year and have nowhere else to go to . By the way Happy belated International Men's Day ( IMD) .
Re: Re: Re: SMITA Act being contemplated against Intimate Terror
by Baingan Bharta on Nov 21, 2012 11:58 AM
@Subirda, You say 62000 husbands are driven to suicide every year. Can you give corresponding figure for women? A conservative estimate could be 6,20,000? Or even higher? And what about women killed for dowry? What could that figure be like?
Re: Re: Re: Re: SMITA Act being contemplated against Intimate Ter
by Sujeet Singh on Nov 21, 2012 03:06 PM
So u mean some women r killed so all women get the right to kill the life of innocent husbands. Do Women ever use there brain
Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: SMITA Act being contemplated against Intimate
by Baingan Bharta on Nov 21, 2012 03:39 PM
@Singh Saheb, Typical UP/Bihari thought process inspite of staying in Mumbai.
Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: SMITA Act being contemplated against Intimate
by vineeth tk on Nov 22, 2012 04:56 PM
Insulting a fellow man wont make you a cool one in a woman's eyes.In her mind she will be looking down on you.
This article is by a feminist and for the feminists. Marraiges are not working because women are demanding more and more form husbands while contributing less and less . Expectations from men have skyrocketed while women have plumetted.He is expected to play the role of a provider and protector still while women claim to be "liberated" from their all traditional roles . Increased Intimate abuse by women is also seen as the primary cause of thefallout. Over 62000 husband are driven to suicide annually in India due to domestic voilence. Indian men face Emotional , Financial , Social and sexual abuse at the hands of their spouses . So serious is the issues that the government is contemplating brigning in a new legislation calles SMITA( Saving men from intimate terror act) to protect men from sposal abuse.
Re: Intimate terror by women is the primary cause of marraige fai
by arungopal agarwal on Nov 21, 2012 11:12 AM
As per the law of land, all exploitation is done by husband and his mother, wife is never responsible for any crime against husband or his family. Situation is-mother is law and other family members in such families where thinking does not match are highly afraid of their daughter in law.
Re: Re: Intimate terror by women is the primary cause of marraige
by Baingan Bharta on Nov 21, 2012 12:01 PM
Absolutely Agarwalji. This is commonplace especially in the part of the country where you hail from.
Re: Intimate terror by women is the primary cause of marraige fai
by Baingan Bharta on Nov 21, 2012 11:40 AM
@Subirda, The author has made a very general observation while your post based on your personal experience in life.
Re: Re: Intimate terror by women is the primary cause of marraige
by Baingan Bharta on Nov 21, 2012 11:57 AM
@Subirda, You say 62000 husbands are driven to suicide every year. Can you give corresponding figure for women? A conservative estimate could be 6,20,000? Or even higher? And what about women killed for dowry? What could that figure be like?
Re: Re: Re: Intimate terror by women is the primary cause of marr
by Sujeet Singh on Nov 21, 2012 03:09 PM
How much r u paid to defent the author. Why dont u use ur real name..
Re: Re: Re: Re: Intimate terror by women is the primary cause of
by Baingan Bharta on Nov 21, 2012 03:43 PM
@Lovedoo, I am expressing my opinion NOT defending the author.... CHEW-TEE-YAH.
i am not worried as me and my wife are living happily without any discord. i cant live without my wife and she cant live without me. why should we worried about others marriage are working or not.
