Since I am single, i am more than qualified to talk a few things about successful marriage.
Arranged marriage or Love marriage is literally like suicide or supari killing. But either ways...get to really know the person first as a friend...see how they treat their parents, people around them, their peers, subordinates, thoughts. This whole "talk for 5 mins" thing is utter nonsense. How can you decide whether you wish to spend your entire life with that person by just talking for 5 mins....i bet even Hitler would come across as 'totally hot and cute and charming' if you just talked to him for 5 mins. If it's love, rely on your heart, but don't forget your brain and gut. If something about it feels off....or your parents or friends totally don't like your 'love', you need to sit back and analyse things.
Marry a person you can be yourself around...and who knows the worst part of you and still loves you. Don't marry unless you are financially independent - both guys n gals. Talk about how you both will be raising kids...and who'll take a career sabbatical. But above all, take time to really know the person and whether your personality it compatible and whether you both 'click'. Don't be in a rush to marry. Take your time in finding the right match....as it's a biiiiiiiiiiig step!!
I've seen both love and arranged marriage fail...and equally.
once mark twain had said -it is gods graet cosmic joke on human race to expect that man and woman should live together in marriage.(unquote-arrange marriage)
Love/Arranged Marriage.Which is better? It is too difficult to answer this Qn? There are a few requirements for the Boy/Girl and their family?This vary from people to people?As long as this is satisfied,the marriage will last? Otherwise,it will fail?
It looks you indirectly encourage love-marriage. I agree to some extent your point, but, The way you convey the message is not proper. It should be like this way-- In addition to your parents doing back check, the bride & bride groom should verify it instead of blindly accepting it.
Re: Very ugly message , the way nair has put
by Jai Neo on Nov 09, 2012 09:50 PM
Arranged marriage is just a convenient way of pairing off the the unwanted & leftover men/women who would not have found partners otherwise! It is better to have loved & lost to not have LOVED at all!
Re: Re: Very ugly message , the way nair has put
by Guest on Nov 12, 2012 01:20 PM
Arranged marriage is just a convenient way of pairing off the the unwanted & leftover men/women who would not have found partners otherwise! It is better to have loved & lost to not have LOVED at all!
By this yardstick almost all of India is unwanted and leftover. Living together is a very different kettle of fish. When you meet people you are on your best behaviour. It is impossible for anyone to be on their best behaviour 24x7. Slights get magnified etc. Marriage (I can speak with authority having been happily married for over a decade)is about compromise and adjustment and this is not necessarily out of fear of social consequences.
The concept of arranged marriage is a farce and its ridiculous that people who are educated and sensible still opt for this just because its part of our "culture". The fact is marriage of this kind is bound to lead to unhappiness and incompatibility among partners. How can two people who hardly know each other get married just because there is some match among gotra, astrological signs etc. Its just hogwash and simply impractical. Back in the day, women used to do all the sacrifice even if husband didnt care for her and went outside and had affairs. Now its no longer fair to put women through torture just to obey some age old custom.
Re: Brainless custom
by Guest on Nov 09, 2012 03:49 PM
It seems that you are still unmarried. Otherwise you would never think that it is only a woman always who has to suffer if her spounse is not fit for her. The same story is with the men also. If the wife is not compatible to them, their life also gets miserable and unlivable..
Re: Brainless custom
by prem k on Nov 09, 2012 04:13 PM
stop bluffing. there is always some "arrangement" by either a family member or a friend to make the meeting happen. In that way, nearly all marriages are arranged - whether in India or outside.
As far as the decision process is concerned, I dont think that there is any educated person (who is confident and responsible as well) who would outsource the decision completely to anyone else. In most cases, people allow parents to take the final call because they dont want to take the responsibility of the failure of that relationship. In a way, it is more reflective of our society and its culture rather than anything else.
Indians dont have the culture of taking ownership and responsiblity in any sphere. Take another example. We all crib about corrupt politicians not being able to provide us roads, power, development, water etc. We are happy to give all our own responsibility to politicians and then keep complaining for the rest of our lives.
When Winfrey made the statement that how the marriages can arranged, she could have as well added how do you expect someone else to build roads for you, get water for you, get jobs for you, get electricity for you and even expect that they get food for you (which govt is planning through the food security bill).
