tv so costly ? than avoiding a fight between W-MiL ? there is Quote - 2 heads go along, 2 Balls depends . It all depends upon the husband and FiL if there.
Why cannot women understand one simple fact.The mother is mother for a man.She may have many deficiencies(in the eyes of the wife that is),but that does not mean,that the man starts finding fault with her. The only way to resolve problems is for one person out of two to speak as little as possible.When there is an argument,despite huge provocation,it is best to keep your mouth shut as far as possible.Problems have a way to get resolved on their own.
I think almost all everyone knows about the story retold again and again about how and why families break after a marriage.. it all depends upon how this particular relation between a mother in law and her daughter in law is going to develop. The basic problem to me is the fact the one tries to teach and the other remains adamant.. Your article presents an ideal situation but then things cannot go right when both parties, from the beginning, feel that the in laws are outsiders, not someone on whom you are supposed to rely or depend. I think that is what is happening in almost all the cases.
I think we all should realize this (it is not a matter of only the kind of relationship we are talking about) : Just because someone does not like you the way you want them to, does not mean they do not like you with all they have.. Any form of acceptance takes time and in that process, that tolerance is the key. If beginnings are fine and we succeed in making the delicate relationship strong, it will just go on.. I have a success story in my own family.
As per todays rules framed by our judiciary and wide powers given to daughter in laws, mother in laws in majority of cases are afraid of. Time is changed, young married ladies are dictating.
Things are not so simple and straight forward. I don't agree that most of the newgen bahus want to get rid of their mothers in laws. The problem lies somewhere else. The issue is that the new bahus are much more educated and financially independent than their mothers-in-law and have different definitions of being a wife and a daughter-in-law.
They will not put up with many things that our mothers were unfairly made to do or follow. Now the mother's issue is genuine as well. She did lot more duties and expects her bahu to do the same, she does not want to be in the receiving end both as a daughter-in-law and mother-in-law.
However since times have changed there has to be a balance, but who will bring it? It has to be brought by us, the son and the husband. Often problems arise because the guy in this equation did not define proper ground rules for the family where no one can harass anyone and would enjoy their space and rights.
Often the son/husband takes the easy way out and favours the wife or mother and one of them is discriminated against. Actually the man in the house can do a lot with logic and patience to sort out these issues. He may get flak from both ends but in the long run it helps.
Re: Balance
by Prashant Sharma on Aug 26, 2009 04:48 PM
@ Story editor
Nice points you have raised. The problem is not a problem actually.. it all happens because of the generation divide where we hesitate to speak our minds clearly.. And yes, man has a bigger role to play in situations like these..
Re: Re: Balance
by shatadip som on Aug 26, 2009 04:54 PM
Exactly Prashant. As a son and husband one has to be just and take a stand when required. One needs to mix the sense of justice, brinksmanship and situational diplomacy and can bring about peace and tolerance between one's mother and wife.
Both are important, love you very much and should not feel neglected.
Re: Balance
by Bolo India on Aug 26, 2009 04:57 PM
interestingly my father worked on the concept of hands-off approach...he told my mum and grand-mum...these are your fights ...so you sort...over a period of time mum and grandma started managing things on their own and living with their little differences!
Who is the author.... must be writing a new ramayan. Similar poles never meet. The weaker of them gets pushed away. This is the fate of our mothers today. But most of our mothers were not so selfish as the newgen bahus. Most of the newgen bahus expect hubbies to get away from the moms (if possible discard them) who have brought up their sons and has married this girl today. In between, the bakhra (hubby) is helpless and bound sentimentally more for the kids than the wife. This tale will repeat when the newgen bahus get old and their dot-in-law makes the entry. We hubbies will give a big laugh then.
Re: Cheers to the new untitled movie script
by Free Pints on Aug 26, 2009 04:34 PM
moreover these new gen wives want thier hubbies to be more attached to thier(wives) mom and dad...
