Interesting read. Most often Mum-In-Law and Bahus do not get along because of insecurities and values that each carry. DILS carry values from her parent’s home and the society they grew up in. MILS try to, not to dilute the values they are used to. Men, of course, are least bothered. In this case, as both recognized well in advance that the other person is likely to have vastly divergent values and way of life, conflicts were avoided. I am not sure, if both belonged to the same community and religion, mine-is-better-than-yours, would not come into play. Christmas Mass, would have created the conflict of the church, dinner etc. Holi, would have created conflict in the way of puja etc… Lucky for her that her MIL accepted the fact that two culture were meeting. Respect for each other does play a big role. Self respect and ego playes even a bigger role in marital bliss.
Re: Rediff, what are you publishing under headlines???
by Story editor on Aug 27, 2009 12:51 PM
Absolutely incorrect...in same culture and religion also there are many problems.
I think these are quite rare instances, however this can be possible if DILS respect MILS and vice versa. Probably I think in this case things worked out because both DIL and MIL work and earn, and also do household work, which means both harly have time for gossip and other unwanted talks. If the case has been where one of them or both of them are at home they will simply create politics (this is one view I believe). Also I dont think one view can fit various situation - each household or family is different ....and in each case either DIL is culprit or its MIL or its the husband, or sometimes combination or any of these. Also sometimes either DIL or MIL have fear or some notions about each other or assume certain things in advance. There is nothing wrong in being careful or cautious but trying to be rude assuming DIL/MIL is bad or cunning is not right. What would happen if all women suspect their husbands to have extra marital affairs all the time ? First this suspicion is unwarranted and will only prove to be bad for the relationship.
>>>All these very pertinent issues were brought up in various discussions I had with hubby-to-be all through our courtship, but they always ended with him saying, "She'll be all alone if we don't stay with her."
If you are really Indian, I cant believe that you wanted your husband to leave your mom alone after marriage. You are quite selfish, I must appreciate your MIL for adjusting with someone who is as selfish as you and still being nice!
Re: Cant believe this!
by abhijit moholakar on Aug 27, 2009 12:47 PM
agreed, this is view of douther in law who is telling how his mil adjusted with her.
Re: Re: Cant believe this!
by Story editor on Aug 27, 2009 12:49 PM
Zeng,
Nowadays there are many fathers are mothers who prefer to stay alone, they are financially independent and their kids look after them when required. Depends from family to family.
Re: Cant believe this!
by kiran malvia on Aug 27, 2009 12:53 PM
And what about the girls' mom? Don't girls' moms become alone? Wouldn't you call her husband selfish for taking her away from her mom and then expecting her to 'adjust' to his mom? I think you are one of the millions who just see that aspect which suits them and them alone. I remember the first trip i made to my home-town after my dad's demise. F-i-l came to pick me and my kids from the station as I was arriving in the wee hours. I was amazed at their support. But of course not! They had expected me to leave my poor grieving lonely mother and rush into their house--where, by the way, there is no-one to even give me a glass of water after a long journey.
Re: Re: Re: Cant believe this!
by Hi on Aug 31, 2009 12:32 PM
correct two wrongs dont make a right. How can one be so selfish and think that if one's parents had to part with their girl, the other's parents should suffer the same loss. but if the girl wants to move to her parent's house with her husband and makes them happy , I have no prob with such step.
Re: Re: Cant believe this!
by Story editor on Aug 27, 2009 01:33 PM
Kiran,
I agree...society is unfair towards the girls parents.
I think there should be a nice balance...the girl should be financially independent...help her parents and take care of them in case they are lonely and husband should support that.
They also need to keep the priorities of themselves and their kids intact.
I would rather say personal life will never become a teamwork. Team work is possible if one is held accountable and it exists only in corporate environment.
Personal life depends mostly on perseverance and give-up attitude and it can never be coined as it was in the article.
Re: MIL and DIL
by Bolo India on Aug 27, 2009 12:21 PM
1. why are they asked to take sides? 2. is it going to be any different if they know the whole story?
Not everyone understand logic and rational...and possibly our mother or wife can be one of them at different times.
Re: MIL and DIL
by NASAman on Aug 27, 2009 12:39 PM
I like to differ a little altough I agree to your point which is applicable in certain cases. In other cases (probably many) even when MILs decide to let go the law favoring DILs encourages them to terrorise husbands and their families. Second there are also cases where MILs let go and DILs share, but a small misunderstanding occurs and DILs go to the extreme whereas MILs are mature and take a balnced view. Since DILs go to the extent of filing false dowry and violence cases there is no scope for reconciliation in many false cases. So law needs to be revamped to provide equlity and dignity in society.
Re: MIL and DIL
by Rajnish Kumar on Aug 30, 2009 05:57 PM
Just want to share what I've mostly seen so many times...Women (all women irrespective of MIL/DIL) are usually more emotional and mostly with a confused logic...They'll usually talk so many things that are not practical...As a normal man with a sound logic, you'd overlook so many minor things to live happily at the end of day..but when It comes to bahaving on critical matters/differences, I've seen ladies going emotional, talking impractical solutions, threating to end her life, presecuting man unde the law etc...If women can talk rational, believe me so many issues could be easily sorted out...I'm not denying the absence of issues that they can be sorted out if women talk with a sound logic when it really matters...Men in the family have to be rational to control both DIL/MIL even if that hurts any one of them at times...
Even in other relations, such fights may and do happen - specially in a joint family. Often it happens that everybody in the family thinks that he/she is getting less than what he/she derves and others are getting more. That leads to fights.
