I was simply escatic by the genoristy and the kind of respect the daughter-in law is giving to her mom-in-law. A good and harmonious relationship is always welcome and it gives us a positive vibes and truly a able family.
Re: Foolish artilce
by jyothis narayanan on Aug 26, 2009 04:05 PM
Among any species females are more ferocious than their male counterparts need to listen to her Husband for correct version of these stories
I think its easier said than done...i m myself a daughter in law and my in laws for name sake and benefit call me a daughter. I am a daughter only till the time i m obeying and doing everthing they want and if i say no...then its the other way round..I have been protecting to split the house from last 1.5 years but now things are just slipping so I would love to split. Suggest
Re: 'How I befriended my mother-in-law'
by Samyuktha on Aug 26, 2009 04:37 PM
let it split. coz if u keep obeying to them against ur will.. which is a never ending process, after sometime u might get frustrated , loose respect for them which might lead to a disaster in ur relationships with ur inlaws and worst case with ur partner. Staying away from ur inlaws(as long as they are not old when they would need somebodys help) and having good relationship and respect is much much better than staying together and having differences.
Re: Re: 'How I befriended my mother-in-law'
by Bolo India on Aug 26, 2009 04:40 PM
but it won't be easy to live with them when they are old and need help...bcoz then daugther-in-law would call the shots and wouldn't want to take care of them!
Re: Re: Re: 'How I befriended my mother-in-law'
by Samyuktha on Aug 26, 2009 04:52 PM
as long as respect and good relationships are maintained i dont think a women who is trying to adjust by obeying to them might give those shots as u say..
Re: Re: Re: Re: 'How I befriended my mother-in-law'
by bhabani shankar on Aug 26, 2009 05:13 PM
Its a mutual aspect.If we want to be accepted and considered then why not other party have the same wish? We all are becoming too much self centered.While travelling if we can adjust with anybody,why cant we do the same at home,with whom we are living under a roof.Today we may be young but with time every one will be old,then wont we expect to be accepted by all?This is true for all and it is a tall order for them who dont want to live peacefully and amicably.
Re: Re: 'How I befriended my mother-in-law'
by sashwat on Aug 26, 2009 05:25 PM
Samyuktha , tell me one thing if ur parents behave like this and if ur brother's wife should not respect to ,help to, ur old parents. pls. tell ur openinon
Re: Re: Re: 'How I befriended my mother-in-law'
by Samyuktha on Aug 26, 2009 06:38 PM
Sashwat, i already gave my opinion. If my parents keep nagging my bhabhi, i wud suggest them to have separate lives. These kind of issues, only spoil the relations and increase the distance. And moreover as for me we can stay away as long as the in-laws can manage themselves not when they are too old. The bond is made(Good or bad) in the initial stages only.. which would sustain any difficulties later.
Moother in Law is a very wrong word in Indian context. She is mother not just because of Law but she is the mother of your husband. It seems that the lady did a miracle by doing this. Her husband must be a henpecked husband.It is the Man who is responsible for his wife's behaviour towards his parents.Bhagwan Shri Ram went to forest to respect his Father's word. Shravan Kumar is our ideal. Hindus should never forget their guiding principles. No sense shouting Jai Shri Ram if we dont follow their teachings. Today most of the Husbands I see are bloody Joru Ka Gulaam. Licking the feet of their Wives. Many people call it practical & modern & treat our age old teachings as impractical. I have seen socres of family getting destroyed since Parents were not given the full respect.
Re: No moksha without Parents blessing
by Srinivas vishnu on Aug 26, 2009 03:57 PM
You are completely wrong. It is the tolerance and patience of the wife / her upbringing that decides whether she likes her M-I-L or not. She can be adament and fight it out, in which case you become a mere spectator and had to decide - and she makes sure that it gets worse as time goes by if she decides on it. I had seen bahus who let go carefully and slowly of the relationship indicating distance of travel to work, or tiredness etc.. to start off a new home. And it is even worse, when the M-I-L does not let go off her son, and son is equally attached to the MIL - then bahu had to go... ro compromise.
Re: Re: No moksha without Parents blessing
by ashish nagraj on Aug 26, 2009 05:18 PM
Dear Vishnu In this life minimum what we can do is to accept the fact that we are human beings & the purpose of the life can not be just to live it. Life has got higher meanings. Pls tell me if you are happy with whatever you have currently in your life. You , me & every body in this world is in a constant fight & stuggle to improve our life,to make the life better. I know it is bit difficult for everybody to be spiritual however it is very much justified to be balance & honest in our approach towards the world. Our parents take terrific pain to make ourselves as an individual. Just see if you get a chance to see a mother upbringing her child. It is such a difficult thing to do. Insaan ka bachha saala 22-23 Saal tak Parents ki aisi ki taisi karta hai & suddenly this idiot gets married & starts talking about individuality & privacy. If humans have a concept of parental Care than they also have concept of elderly care. Beleive me this generation has lot of cases of pitru dosha in their kundalis because last generation did not gave parents their due respect.
Re: No moksha without Parents blessing
by Narakasur on Aug 26, 2009 04:03 PM
Why assume that parents are the ones who are always right and their wishes should be respected. Everybody has an individuality and it needs to be respected. Gone are the days when Sita would go to jungle with Ram. Now she will find another Ram if he goes ahead to spoil his life for his parents sake.
Re: No moksha without Parents blessing
by Dimple on Aug 26, 2009 03:50 PM
Easier said than done.... I m an educated women and trying hard for the house not to split but Mother...so called mother differentiates big time between her own children and daughter in law. How long can we quiet
Re: Re: No moksha without Parents blessing
by Bolo India on Aug 26, 2009 04:21 PM
if all the below are true, then your mother-in-law is a problem, otherwise u need to work more on the relationship:
1. Does your M-I-L stop you or bicker everytime you go out with your husband?
2. Does your M-I-L not let you follow your rituals?
3. Does your M-I-L not let you cook what you want to eat?
4. Does your MIL accompany you in almost all your outings?
5. Does your MIL abuse you in public or in private for no fault of yours?
If answer to just one of the question is YES...speak to her directly. If answer to all questions is YES...Split after letting her know that it cannot work if she keeps on doing this...If answer to all questions is NO....start working on your own behaviour because u r unwilling to accept your husband's culture while he and his mother are perfectly letting you do your rituals.
Re: Re: No moksha without Parents blessing
by PiratefrmSomalia on Aug 26, 2009 03:57 PM
Every human has likes and dislikes. That is the problem. Getting along with another fellow human is not easy. It takes lot of patience. Hence ma in law and da in laws will fight. Dont expect miracles. This could be a one off story.
Re: Re: No moksha without Parents blessing
by arun gupta on Aug 26, 2009 04:24 PM
Why are you trying so hard not to split the house? What your husband is doing in this situation? He seems to be Mama's boy.I think he should take command of the situation And confront every one (including you )whose behavior /actions are not justified.
Re: Re: Re: No moksha without Parents blessing
by Bolo India on Aug 26, 2009 04:41 PM
consider this...what if your wife and mother both say ...go to hell we won't change...is the confrontation going to help..??
Re: Re: Re: Re: No moksha without Parents blessing
by arun gupta on Aug 26, 2009 04:51 PM
Answer is in reply i.e Go to hell.Surely he should leave the mother and wife in haven and move to the hell& suerly he will still be happy in hell.
Re: Re: Re: Re: No moksha without Parents blessing
by arun gupta on Aug 26, 2009 04:51 PM
Answer is in reply i.e Go to hell.Surely he should leave the mother and wife in haven and move to the hell& suerly he will still be happy in hell.
Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: No moksha without Parents blessing
by Bolo India on Aug 27, 2009 12:26 PM
so the solution is to say go to hell at the beginning itself...why try and control the situation...let people clear their own mess.
Re: Re: No moksha without Parents blessing
by guru on Aug 26, 2009 03:59 PM
I have observed in many join families , when son gets married his parents becomes alert & extra possesive. It becomes difficult newly wed bride to cope up in new enviorment.She can win the hearts by combination of dedication , diplomacy & honesty towards the family.She should clear the difficulties by discussing the valid pionts without hurting anybody. But she should never keep the things with her & always be under some stress.
not so impressive... we need something which is about daughter in law compromising with mother in law and should be about saving a home from splitting.. is there anyone who can do the needful..
Re: feedback
by Smita Gangwar on Aug 26, 2009 03:53 PM
why the hell always daughter in laws are expected to compromise...now its not the time that daughter in law will only compromise..if required everyone should adjust and compromise..why only daughter in law..that time has gone. How many times have you compromised and adjusted with you mother in law...you will expect her to treat you as a King...lol
Re: Re: feedback
by arun gupta on Aug 26, 2009 04:37 PM
Who told you to compromise? please do'nt compromise and let the relation go into split.But if you can adjust(not compromising)than it is best situation since in adjustment you donot have a feeling of loosing something while in compromise most of the time you may feel loosing something
Re: Re: Re: feedback
by Smita Gangwar on Aug 26, 2009 04:14 PM
no dear...fighting is not the solution of anything..its just that it is wrong to expect adjustment and compromises from only daughter...It's a joint resposibity of everyone living under one roof to maitain harmony and peace. which can only happen when Ma-in-law and Daughter -in-law both respect each others beliefs, decisions, liking, disliking and give each other the space that is required. Understand Mr Pirate
Re: Re: feedback
by Bolo India on Aug 26, 2009 04:20 PM
if all the below are true, then your mother-in-law is a problem, otherwise u need to work more on the relationship:
1. Does your M-I-L stop you or bicker everytime you go out with your husband?
2. Does your M-I-L not let you follow your rituals?
3. Does your M-I-L not let you cook what you want to eat?
4. Does your MIL accompany you in almost all your outings?
5. Does your MIL abuse you in public or in private for no fault of yours?
If answer to just one of the question is YES...speak to her directly. If answer to all questions is YES...Split after letting her know that it cannot work if she keeps on doing this...If answer to all questions is NO....start working on your own behaviour because u r unwilling to accept your husband's culture while he and his mother are perfectly letting you do your rituals.
