Typical of many Indian houses, my mother (i.e., my wife's mother-in-law) and my wife are not in very good terms, although they don't fight like we see in films.
But my married life (and our home) is fine. You wonder how!
This is how: I know, understand and realise that my wife can never be like my mother. At her best she can be only like her mother.
This understanding helps not to have false expectation and subsequent inevitable misery!
Re: Mother-in-law and Wife
by hasile fisile on Nov 26, 2012 04:56 PM
though you are not saying it explicitly....but indirectly, you believe your mother to be more superior than your m-i-l. You expect your wife to look at her m-i-l as an amazing person whom she should imitate...while your own opinion about your m-i-l is no good?!!
I bet even your wife believes "I have a happy marriage...the reason is i understand and realise that my husband can never be like my father. at his best can only be like his father. This understanding helps not to have false expectation and subsequent inevitable misery!"
Re: Re: Mother-in-law and Wife
by Rajiv on Dec 08, 2012 08:09 PM
Do you mean men & women should have equal responsibilities after their marriage.. even if one is not able to handle them well ? And in that case, the other should look to part ways ?
Re: Re: Re: Mother-in-law and Wife
by hasile fisile on Dec 31, 2012 01:38 AM
Do you mean men & women should have equal responsibilities after their marriage: YES. even if one is not able to handle them well: YES...learn to do it...or take new responsibilities. And in that case, the other should look to part ways ? WHERE DO I SAY ANYTHING ABOUT PARTING WAYS????
The Faster People ( Husband & wife ) Realise it The Better It Is .Every Individual is Different & Thus Every Marriage is Unique in Its Own way. If One Starts Keeping an Account of All the Things One Is Doing, That is The Point Problems Start in Marriage .If The Husband is Doing Something, It is For The Family & No Big Claims Need to Be Made about It Same Way If The Wife is Putting in The Kitty to Run The House or to Buy Some Article for the House, She Need Not Boast about it in Public. Whatever Balance needs to be Achieved in a Marriage Has to be Decided by the Couple & It is Done Very early in Marriage. You Cant expect That after spending 10 Years in a Marriage You Will Suddenly Voice your Discontentment about Some Habit of your Spouse Because by Then The Other Person has Got Habituated to it .The Earlier Husband & Wife Figure out Likes & Dislikes of their Partner & Agree to Accommodate & Make Compromises , & Respect Each Others Individuality & Respect for The others Disagreement or Disliking The Better It Will be For The Marriage Any Marriage Which is not in Balance Where Both Individuals Dont Respect Each Others Views & Egoistically Oppose Each Others Point of View will Fall apart Today Or Tomorrow. If The Balance Cant Be Achieved in Marriage Better Be Alone & Unhappy or Happy ( Atleast Theres a Chance ) But Something That is Not Working for 10 Years Will Not Work for The Rest of 30 Years as Well Life is Too Precious Use It w
The Faster People ( Husband & wife ) Realise it The Better It Is .Every Individual is Different & Thus Every Marriage is Unique in Its Own way. If One Starts Keeping an Account of All the Things One Is Doing, That is The Point Problems Start in Marriage .If The Husband is Doing Something, It is For The Family & No Big Claims Need to Be Made about It Same Way If The Wife is Putting in The Kitty to Run The House or to Buy Some Article for the House, She Need Not Boast about it in Public. Whatever Balance needs to be Achieved in a Marriage Has to be Decided by the Couple & It is Done Very early in Marriage. You Cant expect That after spending 10 Years in a Marriage You Will Suddenly Voice your Discontentment about Some Habit of your Spouse Because by Then The Other Person has Got Habituated to it .The Earlier Husband & Wife Figure out Likes & Dislikes of their Partner & Agree to Accommodate & Make Compromises , & Respect Each Others Individuality & Respect for The others Disagreement or Disliking The Better It Will be For The Marriage Any Marriage Which is not in Balance Where Both Individuals Dont Respect Each Others Views & Egoistically Oppose Each Others Point of View will Fall apart Today Or Tomorrow. If The Balance Cant Be Achieved in Marriage Better Be Alone & Unhappy or Happy ( Atleast Theres a Chance ) But Something That is Not Working for 10 Years Will Not Work for The Rest of 30 Years as Well Life is Too Precious Use It w
The Faster People ( Husband & wife ) Realise it The Better It Is .Every Individual is Different & Thus Every Marriage is Unique in Its Own way. If One Starts Keeping an Account of All the Things One Is Doing, That is The Point Problems Start in Marriage .If The Husband is Doing Something, It is For The Family & No Big Claims Need to Be Made about It Same Way If The Wife is Putting in The Kitty to Run The House or to Buy Some Article for the House, She Need Not Boast about it in Public. Whatever Balance needs to be Achieved in a Marriage Has to be Decided by the Couple & It is Done Very early in Marriage. You Cant expect That after spending 10 Years in a Marriage You Will Suddenly Voice your Discontentment about Some Habit of your Spouse Because by Then The Other Person has Got Habituated to it .The Earlier Husband & Wife Figure out Likes & Dislikes of their Partner & Agree to Accommodate & Make Compromises , & Respect Each Others Individuality & Respect for The others Disagreement or Disliking The Better It Will be For The Marriage Any Marriage Which is not in Balance Where Both Individuals Dont Respect Each Others Views & Egoistically Oppose Each Others Point of View will Fall apart Today Or Tomorrow. If The Balance Cant Be Achieved in Marriage Better Be Alone & Unhappy or Happy ( Atleast Theres a Chance ) But Something That is Not Working for 10 Years Will Not Work for The Rest of 30 Years as Well Life is Too Precious Use It w
The Faster People ( Husband & wife ) Realise it The Better It Is .Every Individual is Different & Thus Every Marriage is Unique in Its Own way. If One Starts Keeping an Account of All the Things One Is Doing, That is The Point Problems Start in Marriage .If The Husband is Doing Something, It is For The Family & No Big Claims Need to Be Made about It Same Way If The Wife is Putting in The Kitty to Run The House or to Buy Some Article for the House, She Need Not Boast about it in Public. Whatever Balance needs to be Achieved in a Marriage Has to be Decided by the Couple & It is Done Very early in Marriage. You Cant expect That after spending 10 Years in a Marriage You Will Suddenly Voice your Discontentment about Some Habit of your Spouse Because by Then The Other Person has Got Habituated to it .The Earlier Husband & Wife Figure out Likes & Dislikes of their Partner & Agree to Accommodate & Make Compromises , & Respect Each Others Individuality & Respect for The others Disagreement or Disliking The Better It Will be For The Marriage Any Marriage Which is not in Balance Where Both Individuals Dont Respect Each Others Views & Egoistically Oppose Each Others Point of View will Fall apart Today Or Tomorrow. If The Balance Cant Be Achieved in Marriage Better Be Alone & Unhappy or Happy ( Atleast Theres a Chance ) But Something That is Not Working for 10 Years Will Not Work for The Rest of 30 Years as Well Life is Too Precious Use It w
Before I starting typing out this message, there were 230 messages in response to this article. However not a single comment from women/girls. There was someone called Usha Sundaram who just said there was a chauvinistic comment, but nothing about day to day to life and what goes wrong or what causes the rifts. By being quiet are they admitting their faults?
In modern culture whether it may be love marriage or arranged marrage, things not working a long term.This is due to modern culture, no mutual respect,money matter, style of living etc.Things will worsen in near futue.
It is wrong to even imply that only husbands are responsible for all the problems.
Most marriages are not working now. One of the most important issues is the breaking of the Joint family system. Besides this, there is also the issue of the change of roles played by members of the family. Right or wrong, there was a system earlier that the Woman would take care of the Family and the Kids and actually she is blessed by nature for this role. There should never have been a question of equality as a Women is actually better than man on this. But, now "development" has meant that there is a huge competition of who is better and the result is the break of the family.
Re: Marriage Not Working!
by Rajiv on Dec 08, 2012 08:13 PM
wow. I wish to have married who I'd have lived together & talked with right from childhood..
