2) When W0men were Not allowed to study nor work in offices on par with ma1es.
3) When we had Child Marriage
4) We had Dowry system
5) There was No Alimony after Divorce
6) When we had a Sati System in place.
I guess the W0men of those times were better and more caring and understanding than the Modern, Empowered, Educated & Strong headed w0men that we have now.
Re: I Liked Old India
by Yenoley on Oct 19, 2016 03:40 AM
The Indian Hindu W0men of the Pre 1800's were more Hard working, had respect for In Laws & All Family members, was chaste in conduct, Humble in Poverty and difficulty, Devoted to Traditions & G0ds, Caring for animals and plants and trees also.
They also were Great Mothers and had a Minimum o 6 to 10 children.
During those times British were Ruling India, Yet we were Not swayed by their Westernization nor Subjugation - On the contrary, we had Pride in Hindu Religion & Culture & Joint Family system unlike the Nuclear & Unclear Families what we see now.
Re: Re: I Liked Old India
by Yenoley on Oct 19, 2016 03:50 AM
During the Early 1800's there was no Dating / Live In Relationship / Multiple Affairs / One Night Flings, Illegal progenies - In fact if such people would have been there they would be looked Down upon, Humiliated & Excommunicated from their villages by elders.
Re: Re: Re: I Liked Old India
by vishal verma on Oct 19, 2016 12:12 PM
To add to it, Triple Talaq and polygamy should also be introduced in Hindus. Only then the feminist nuisance will come under control :)
when a woman marries she gets all the fruits of the labour and sacrifices of the parents of her husband.why to ignore that fact and choose to discard them in the name of free will? We are humans and we are made to love one another. This is true for everyone in the family. Mother does so much of work for her children, do we call her maid, unpaid servant? sorry to see this kind of article which encourages utter selfishness and disharmony in the families. let us not promote loveless society.
Re: Encourage harmony in the families
by divya nair on Oct 18, 2016 10:19 PM
dear friend pls highlight the part of the write-up that encourages selfishness and disharmony.
Re: Re: Encourage harmony in the families
by P Rajagopalan on Oct 19, 2016 08:06 AM
Ms. Divya, being a Nair it would make perfect sense to you for the Husband to be living in the wife's maternal home! Actually that is more natural, I agree. How can a mother-in-law and daughter-in-law be natural allies or become friends! But marriage is steeped in tradition and bound by custom. And it is the foundation of an economic establishment too. Times have changed. Earlier the decision to marry, on when and whom to marry were not an individual decision but it was the families' decision, whether that of the patriarch or the Governor (as in the case of Nairs). Now, at least when one is young, the reason why a man wants to marry and women wants to marry are not exactly same. Even I would say, man though not eager accept, it the convenient way and women though afraid to marry is eager to get married. Wants to get married! For those who won't think and reflect, it is sort of a riddle. But the case is different when the two are head over heels in love! Actually ambitious women should take the choice of not getting married. Why marry when you do not want to be provided with and taken care of. The word 'Nathan' loses its meaning for a career oriented women. I exclude the vast majority of toiling women of poor families in this discussion I have put before you. By the by, is not the whole of your article from the view point of women? May not be selfish, but self-centered?!
Re: Re: Re: Encourage harmony in the families
by shubasrikrishna on Oct 19, 2016 10:10 AM
Just sick of hearing this term patriachal system. You have a brother and told them not to expect anything from your daughter in law. Atleast I hope they can expect something from their son. Nowadays women dont allow their Husbands to help their bed ridden parents. I will hope for the day when you get bed ridden and your children and daughter/ son in laws dont help you and you will then understand the pain. Nowadays in the name of careers women are plain lazy, unwilling to either look after their Children or the elderly. Ultimately it all comes to happiness. You can gloat over your independence, bank balance and what not. The plain fact is that women of the earlier generation were much more happier than the present generation. More importantly they also gave happiness to others which is most important.
Re: Re: Re: Encourage harmony in the families
by divya nair on Oct 19, 2016 12:00 PM
Sir, I do not endorse matriarchy or patriarchy anywhere in the column. I have presented all sides of a marriage, starting off with the dilemma a married son faces. All I am saying is there has to be a way families find a way to divide responsibilities than dump it on one person alone and blame that one person when the circumstances get dire. How is that being 'self centred'? Also, I do not appreciate the idea that being a Nair I should think differently. My surname doesn't and shouldn't affect the truth.
Re: Re: Re: Re: Encourage harmony in the families
by P Rajagopalan on Oct 20, 2016 10:37 AM
The two last two lines makes me think the reply is in response to my comment. Always a pleasure to see the scribe noting and responding to the comment! Thank you Ms. Divya! I should congratulate you for eliciting such huge torrents of response to your article. Kudos and compliments for a very good blog! Shows how incisive, important and serious the point you made is. Yes, your being a Nair (assuming both you and your husband were born into Nair 'tharavadu') should not affect your thinking. Agree! That is how it should be. But can you help being other than you? Once a friend of mine made a wise comment: "There are Hindu atheists and Christian atheists". We both had the pretension of being rationalists! Hope by this I am conveying some truth to you! Agree, certainly Nair or otherwise, truth is unchangeable.
Re: Re: Re: Encourage harmony in the families
by divya nair on Oct 19, 2016 12:01 PM
Sir, I do not endorse matriarchy or patriarchy anywhere in the column. I have presented all sides of a marriage, starting off with the dilemma a married son faces. All I am saying is there has to be a way families find a way to divide responsibilities than dump it on one person alone and blame that one person when the circumstances get dire. How is that being 'self centred'? Also, I do not appreciate the idea that being a Nair I should think differently. My surname doesn't and shouldn't affect the truth.
In real marriage it never becomes a bondage to each other between Men and Women. Whereas it becomes a life terms to look after each other their parents family members and all or any one at home! There if you are looking after the responsibilities of the home, it never becomes a job never comes as maid, servant, baby sitter or care taker etc. It all derives out of selfless love and affection towards your parents or all other family members, if a mother in law could not love a daughter law as her own it is because of her ignorance and culture where they have grown up like wise a daughter in law could not love and abide her parents in law it is also their basic ignorance, so to conclude in very few words it is a selfless service together to each and every one of the family and adjusting the needs without calculation of work done or hurdles faced during the life time, it is all for all and for each and everyone in between the members all together! So the life is a pendulum of comforts and sadness, happiness, mix of so many unseen or unpredictable events all together to be faced with courage and brave mind to fight to the end till we meet the almighty who has given birth and every freedom to us to understand and love together. Many many years to live and many many things to see and bear!
Good write up overall. But do you still think women are looking after their in-laws? I know more than 90% marriages failed because of co-living. Some understanding parents are asking their sons to live separately and visit them whenever they can.
Re: well balanced write up
by divya nair on Oct 18, 2016 06:25 PM
Thank you Jagan. I don't see a reason why any married woman wouldn't want to take care of her in-laws if she is treated well in the family. If the daughter-in-law has conflict/s, it is for both families to find an amicable way to sort it than ignore it in the name of patriarchy and force the relationship and responsibilities. Things are changing and more families are adopting intelligent ways to deal with/overcome such conflicts.
Re: Re: well balanced write up
by Jagan K on Oct 18, 2016 06:50 PM
You sound very reasonable in your argument but somehow the world is not in your stride. The reasons can be many that may not be discussed here but people need to be more open minded than narrow. Moral of the story is Man(for that matter even Woman)is a social animal. The art of social living needs to be practiced and everyone in the family need to contribute their part.
Re: Re: Re: Re: well balanced write up
by funny agarwal on Oct 18, 2016 09:42 PM
but same daughter in laws when they become old want to live with thier sons and Bahus......also the biggest irony is that they will expect their brother and his wife to look after her mother whne she herself doesnt want to stay with her mother in law...
Re: Re: Re: Re: well balanced write up
by funny agarwal on Oct 18, 2016 09:42 PM
but same daughter in laws when they become old want to live with thier sons and Bahus......also the biggest irony is that they will expect their brother and his wife to look after her mother whne she herself doesnt want to stay with her mother in law...
Re: Re: Re: Re: well balanced write up
by funny agarwal on Oct 18, 2016 09:42 PM
but same daughter in laws when they become old want to live with thier sons and Bahus......also the biggest irony is that they will expect their brother and his wife to look after her mother whne she herself doesnt want to stay with her mother in law...
