The indian system of family is itself joint .... the word joint family was derived later as the nuclear family took shape.The so called statements of selffishness may be extended to state that you have children to take care of your future which is totally incorrect. Joint family takes acre of not only expenses, health and children , it brings in a feeling of being wanted,collective responsibility and relationship.It is the absence of this family feeling that has sprouted old age homes and sanitoriums which are vertually a desparate attempt.
Re: Joint families...
by Dona Paula on Dec 12, 2011 11:02 AM
krishna, your definition of joint families with advantages is noted. However, the topic here is why young couples are opting to stay in joint familes. The answer is simple. Selfishness of the current generation.
In the southern parts,there are still some joint families among tamil brahmins.Ours is one such.But it is a rarity.Also many parents do not have the where withall to be independant
Re: Joint family
by Aam Aadmi on Dec 12, 2011 12:28 PM
I know Marwari families follow joint family system. It gives a good inter linked support both for Women and Men and also, there is a lot of cost benefit to the family members. Women should understand this and co operate with the menfolk to make it success.
Living in a joint family is really beneficial for working couples and especially a memorable child hood with grand parents for their kids BUT...where is the space to live with a joint family in big city like New Delhi or Mumbai.. A small 2BHK house in a decent middle class locality costs around Rs 80 Lacs or one is forced to live in unauthorised colonies.
Re: It is a really good idea BUT ....
by Aam Aadmi on Dec 12, 2011 12:50 PM
When you buy a two flats 2BHK apartments, it is enough if you buy a 3BHK apartment which is cheaper. Also, you can have a peace of mind that your parents are before your eyes and can take care of them when they are too old to stay alone. When they are in good health, you can do your office work longer than you do alone. Best of both worlds.
If your expenditure, your bills, your eating, shopping habits arent coming between you and your parents, then staying with them is a BIG advantage. In a 2-3 BHK house, its quite nicely managed due to private bed-rooms. A domestic help would also add an advantage.
No matter how selfish this may look, it is a win-win siatuation. The parents also get emotional feed from their grand children.
But ofcourse you should take your parent's thoughts in consideration too. Sometimes few of the parents want to stay away from their children to spend some time alone as a couple which they couldnt do for whole of their lives otherwise.
There is a very good subtle Marathi film made on this topic, "Tu tithe Me" (I am where you are). It was later converted to a highly "melodramatic" bacchan starrer "Baghban".
The young lot today wants only comfort for themselves and show their love for parents and in-laws to satisfy their greed.
They have no love even for their own children who are dumped with the parents. This will in the long term lead to great emotional disconnect between the future parents and their off spring.
But who cares ! Certainly not the career oriented, so called upwardly mobile, flashy and selfish lot that is the young generation of today.
Re: it is pure selfishness !
by Jimmy Sharma on Dec 12, 2011 10:52 AM
???????
How come you blame the young generation for being careeristic? And being a living organism, we will always adapt to what suits most to us. If you add a domestic help in your family, staying with the parents can be a delight. WIN-WIN situation rather.
You "really" think, if you give your parents a different house to stay, away from you, will they be happy? Ofcourse not!
They will want to see your child, they will want to see if you are doing well, you arent stressed or in any trouble....
Retirement brings a big void in the lives of middle aged adults. And grand children are best to fill that void.
Forgt about all that, just imagine when you or your wife comes home before you and there is nothing but emptiness... how lonesome that would feel?
false survey. the fact is that most of the couples want to stay away from their in-laws, family. dont give just one example. they want to stay with family just for solving their problems.
so much for the youth of today. they would like to stay with their parents only so that their inlaws can take care of there child or cook for them or take care of one of them when sick. what happens when one of the parents is sick? did their parents leave them to the house help when they were children? no. yes its a costly living. one has to earn and save money. but stay with them for their love, for looking after them when they need u in their old age and see how they respond. i say from personal experience.
Re: joint families------ a selfish need!
by Kiran on Dec 12, 2011 10:36 AM
I know several families where the male member had to take the help of his female sibling to take of the bedridden old aged parent simply because the wives were not bothered about it.
Re: Re: joint families------ a selfish need!
by Aam Aadmi on Dec 12, 2011 01:04 PM
True. Women are selfish, they are worried if their parents fall sick. But do not care about the father or mother in laws.
