what u have given in the article is applicable to a few cases only , as in my case the situation is quite different. i am a professional married to an MBA , we r NRI. that seems a very cool situation , !! but it is not . my husband has been sort of brain washed into thinking that wives come and disrespect , your parents , try to creat problems in the family , so husbands have a duty to keep them under control . also the parents have slogged n sacrifised n what not to make the son something . so feeling indebted to all this n because of the preformed notions , the son sends away each n every penny he earns to his fathers account . even after so many years of marriage i dont feel financially and emotionally secure , with husband going critical withwhat ever i say about his family .
after 2 months of our marriage , i decided to move out of my parents place . As much as i wanted , living together just dint work out . Post that, everyone was happy . Bottomline - The couple needs their own space .
Its very imp. that when a man decide to marry a girl, he make clear to himself about his family values and culture. On one hand men want level headed woman for himself, his status( professional) and an dim witted D-I-L for his family.result- mess. Problem starts post marriage. Even if the groom is not so well-behaved he gets the advantage of -jamai ji's comfort, hospitablity... Ask yourselves , Do your wife get 1/10 of these gestures from her in laws. If yes then ur spouse is blessed. She too have expectation, like you. and when she is hurt, who is the best person to talk to. But for you it is an offence to hear a word that disgrace your family. On one hand you dont want her family to poke their nose and on other hand you are so silly. Post marriage your parents becomes the pinnacle of your life. The groom becomes too obliged that his family allowed him to marry his choice and in laws tries to exploit it as well. The truth is the woman is sole sufferer, for the decision she dared to take. Listen to your parents men, but please dont put a deaf ear to your wife. She is not a sink. And yes, take some time out to recall those promises you made to her.. once upon a time.
come what may priority to be give to the parents first then spouse else so called "divorce" to be activated. no need to brood over the issue. other than finance.
My ondition is different.My husband is only one son and his mother is too closed with him.one year back father in law expired.so many times after our marriage my mother in law showed very indecent relationship with his son like always hub him try to touch him so many times.Even at the time of our honeymon also she threatned her son to call her and tell the details. My sister in law is different story.Initially she wanted to keep her hold in my married life. But strongly i opposed all their such kind of rude behaviour. So many times my husband bit me because of house issues. As it is love marrige it was his more responsibility to bridge propoer relationship between us. After marrige he is saying that just for pity i go tmarried with you because your younger sister get married before you and nobady would have married me that time?????////.Lot of times he has biten me in front of his family. Finally i have registered FRI against all of them in near poloce chowy. I am software engineer and my husband is Assistant manager in one of the MNSc in softeware. See his education and discipline in personal life.... I really get fed of my husband now
Sir, I read your article with interest.Most newly-wed husbands and wifes have to pass through the initial years of marriage with some degree of trepidation before they reach some degree of understanding about their wife/in-laws on all aspects.This transition period is in itself an eye-opener in many respects for the wife about the expectations of the in-laws/ husband,while the husband learns the nuances of balancing the diverse,if not opposing, needs of his parents vis a vis that of his wife.In the context of Indian society, money also plays a dominant role in shaping rules in middle class households dependent on one earning male member for their bread.All said and done, as the saying goes" There is not a mother-in-law who is hundred percent agreeing with her daughter-in-law while the daughter-in-law rarely considers her mother-in-law as her own mother". So, the in-laws and the wife should learn to observe the rules of the game and try to regard each other with respect and a spirit of" give and take" should govern their conduct towards each other, as long as all are living under one roof. Thanking you, Sekaran
Wish life's marital problems could be solved this easily. It just does not work the way you have said. I have personally tried it, but inlaws I guess will always remain 'Out laws' more so if they have a daughter (who can live in any part of the world) who loves giving advice and interferes.
RE:Too good to be true
by V.K.kanniappan on Sep 26, 2006 02:20 PM
What Mr.NARENDERA K GUPTA says is correct in that girl's parent gives wrong advice to their daughter and interfering in their family life.Girl's parent always wants their daughter to live an independent family without inlaws.
I am confident that if there is no interference from the mother in law in her own daughter's household, the family life shall proceed smooth. The husband may tolerate some interference from father in law. This is a time tested fact.
2. It is the initial days, the adjustment both by bride and the groom, the degree of adjustment achieved, the family life shall be happy. If in the initial days, the understanding is not made up, the life will be hell, till both the husband and the wife (no longer bride and the groom) go to the pyre.
The above two are time tested experiences. I have seen in relations, friends circles too.
So, let both the wife and husband should understand each other, as much as they can. Both of them must ignore what other people tell them or encourage them.
This is applicable in neighbouring Asian nations too.
I have the proud priviledge of saving two families from going to DIVORCE, they are living examples.
