What she says is focussed to help women. We should stop releasing such articles. Its unfair.Sotp giving so much of importance to women and start treating issues with equality.
RE:inlaws
by sunshine on Sep 26, 2006 11:54 AM
i was married for 4 years. my in-laws usually treats me well.. but there were couple of times their behaviour/speech caused me lot of pain..it is too frustrating to keep quiet when u know what they're telling is wrong..but if a few sacrifices can save a marriage, why not try them? i shut my mouth tightly and count 1 to 100..when i feel a strong urge to give a fitting reply.
Hi,It is customary the bride comes away from her family to live with husband and inlaws. Since the parents and son were attached to each other from his birth,parents unintentionally intrude in his activities like before marriage.The girls are also not as before 50 years.Since education and employment to girls make them lot of thinking, discussion and expectations,many girls either cope up or manage their inlaws cleverly.But sometimes there is constant misunderstanding and quarrel,may even lead to divorce.So my advice is that parents and the son should prepare in mind to arrange for the newly married to live separately and make mutual visits periodically.In case of any misunderstanding,the parents, inlaws of both sides, relatives or friends should not interere and make matters worse.Leave it to the couples sit and discuss.
Well....the article hasnt covered so much that happens right since stepping into a man's life.The Indian tradition teaches the girl from childhood about right and wrong behaviour and always maintaining super right behaviour for inlaws.The theory of doing everything right ALWAYS is emphasised just too much!The result is the woman looses all strengths she gained all her life just by entering a home full of strangers expecting OH SO CPRRECT BEHAVIOUR....All her energy goes in just making ALL right all the time.Now in the midst of all this during the boys growing up days was he ever instructed that he has to behave well as he has to welcome a new person...well no never is this taught to the man.Is he made prepared to not compare(subconsciously) the newcomer with his mom...,well no.So bottomline is all adjustments are left to the woman, WHY.And if she does find difficulty in feeling a comfort level with inlaws, the problem again lies in her.My mom in law is widow and does all she can to cashin on her status.Dear husband finds her so full of love and care that he doesnt mind if she wants him next to her even when the only spare time he gets to give to me is one half hour before sleep!!!
It really a big issue in any social setup. People didnot realize the importance of a healthy relationship leads to a healthy living. The new serials on Sas-Bahu also worsen the relationship and now the appehension of consequences leads to extra defence and building up a mental model against the new environment. Many a times the husband is sandwiched in between the family and wife. It need to be dealt with trick as we apply our brain at workplace. To maintain a relation, we need to work on basics and must have a problem facing attitude, not solving attitude. It is not possible to make happy two people simutaneously. We need to welcome problem and stand forth against the wrong. Wife being in new environment must need to forget the past and should work for the present. Its always a different situation at home and at in-laws. There should not any drawing room discussion and solve their own problems by themself.
Do we know few hard and killing facts of being a Husband in India?
1. A Wife can sleep with 100 people and no criminal proceeding can be initiated against her, on the contrary man sleeping with her can land in Jail. If a Husband sleep with one woman, he can be jailed for 7 years.
2. Husband and his entire family can be put behind bars on single line complaint by wife with no questions asked under IPC 498A. This is non bailable act.
3. Lesbian is allowed legally whereas Gays association are illegal
We talk of equality, which equality we have in Indian society for Men? No one raises voice for suffering husbands and other men. Please note that number of suicides in India are double for married man compared to married woman. Do we still need to know who is the real sufferer?
Think and raise voice... Together we can and together we will...
My husband bought a house some miles away from our in-laws place, since it is a fairly huge apartment, he suggested that after we got married the entire family (alongwith his sister who is a divorcee) shift to the new house. But one month after the marriage he sincerely regretted his decision. My mother-in-law was always insecure about the fact that I would take charge of the new house and before we could settle down she arranged the whole house according to her likes including the furniture etc to the extent that she even moved some stuff without our permission to the other part of the house, even when my husband had ensured that they get the equal share of whatever he is providing me. Whenever, my parents visited us they made it a point to insult and abuse them which made me highly irritable but since i was newly married i tried to be as patient as I could. My family has been supporting his family for the past 10 years including undertaking the entire expenditure for my sister-in-laws marriage to the tune of a few lakhs!!!
Finally i agree that it is best to stay separately and offer our help whenever it is needed.
