I am a daughter-in-law. mine was an intercaste love marriage. things were and are still not smooth for me. my approach to my problems is this: i dont interfere in anyone's matters nor do i argue to prove myself right. it's been tough, however, i want my husband to realise all this keeping my dignity intact. i don't want to push myself or coerece him into belieeving me. time and my honesty will pay!definetly!!!
RE:live and let live!
by Inquisitiveperson on Feb 08, 2007 10:42 PM
Wish I would get a wife like u Bhavana! I assure you that your husband would love u for who you are and for your good character.. Too hard to find such women as you in this 21st century. Women of this age tend to think that they need to be arrogantto prove themselves cos they are equal to men and have careers now....Hey! what happend to those women like Bhavana! Yes...I encourage women to pursue whatever they like to do, but look after your husband and your new family.
To-day every marraige is miracle if it survives beyond just 3-6 months. girl wants husband not inlaws , but their property and her parents so also boy wants girl to be obeying to his parents whatever be the situation. also working and bring in money to add to his income now most of our INDIAN marraiages are ending with ipc 496 and in court. no values nowadays instead of making both their life miserable. undersatnd each other for some time . Marry with out any obligationand understanding on each other
RE:Give a damn!
by KR on Sep 23, 2006 03:25 PM
Men should stop giving a damn about providing for the family. They have been conditioned to work and provide for the family and take care of the wifes money wants and put up with all the nonsense that the boss does at work just because they have to provide money for the spending of the wife and for the kids to be taken care of.
Women have jobs and earn money now so men dont need to take care of them. So even when a divorce happens, men should not pay the ex wife anything and the stupid women can work and take care of themselves and put up with the boss at work and can be scared of saying that they will leave the job because husband is there to take care of them.
RE:Give a damn!
by ajay on Sep 23, 2006 05:07 PM
ha haa..
here is a very serious issue being discussed.. and i am laughing at the way Sandhya replies..its great to know all your views and i would take care that i dont mess things. am 26 n soon to get married.. after reading these posts and bullet shots from Sandhya.. kids like me would really behave properly...he he..
but here i would like to point out the spiritual outlook of getting married its not just the so called companion that you find in your spouse..its a part not the whole..the endeavour in a religious institution of marriage (yes its an religious institution) should be to please the GOD by begetting children to please the LORD and create better society to live in and if we forget this goal.. we will surely have thousands and thousands of message boards discussing this.. time n again.. and getting no solution...
he hee.. enjoy your marriage in real spirits..for which it is made..
RE:Give a damn!
by Inquisitiveperson on Feb 08, 2007 10:48 PM
Without that male sex you wouldnt be here in this world Sandhya! Why you need a father to feed you, why you need a husband to pleasure you in bed and give you kids? Try making babies yourself then! Dont be a low-life and spoil the respect which some good men have for the Ladies. Its women like you who destroy the plot.
when u are living with in laws problems are bound to arise. ours was a inter state/language/caste marriage. My in laws are with me. there are so many differences of opinion. but since my husband is very understanding and helpful things are going on smoothly.
Daughters in law are supposed to 'adjust' to their in-laws even if that means compromising on many things which form a part of their identity. How much one should adjust depends on your priorities. Be very clear with yourself regarding what you want and how much you can compromise.And you should br frank and honest and clear about your goals to your husband.It is no use trying to buy peace in the family at the cost of your own physical and mental well being.In our country Parents have been put in such a high pedestal that most of us fail to look at things related to them objectively. For us marriage is not a union of two persons, but of their respective families. How much the daughter can put up with at her in-laws' place is a measure of her paternal family's honour. Always remenber that you are not the only one who is supposed to do all the adjsutments. The onus is on other family members too. Of course do your bit. But if things do not work out, do not make a wreck of yourself or feel guilty. And do not worry about your parents' honour. If parents feel that marrying off their daughter means being done with all responsibilities, then you need not compromise just for their sake.
RE:In - Laws
by Yogita on Sep 23, 2006 12:50 PM
Very well said, nice healthy approach to the whole situation.I did learn a great deal from your comment(specially the guilty part....)we are humans and can do only whats possible, so best way is to not feel guilty for what remains undone.Thanks for the comment.
Waht do you do if you have in-laws who see all others (middle class people) very low. The consider themseleves the best, baki saab very low / poor people.
I m really greatful to the God who has given me such a understanding and loving in-laws. I am not calling them as in-laws I'm calling them my Mummy/Papa. I just wanted to share once incidence with all of you which is very forgetable moment in my life. I got married 10 months ago and me and my husband are living seprately from them due to our Jobs, generally in weekends we are going to meet them and calling them 3/4 times in week. But some time ago due to busy work schedule of mine, we were not able to go for over 2 weeks continously and not able to call them on regular basis. One day when I was in office my husband call me and asked can I have two minutes time if you are not busy I told yaa why not? he told pls. call Mummy at home, I called her and she asked why we have not came in last weekends, I explain her, she said I m missing Pradeep(myhubby)and you and certainly she cried that moment I felt every mother misses his son only not daughter in law but she does. After this incidence my love and faith increases on them.
And that is becuase I never hurt them. I love my in-laws very much.
I am very thankful to god who has given me such parents and world's best husband.
I think its not a big deal.....u can easily win the whole game if u r willing n have strong determination...i have been this type of situation a year before...well all u need is to know what they want most..n make urself flexible to fit into the situation..after all its the family where u have to live for ur whole life...dont ever try to get bitterness in rel;ation....be calm n every time have a deep breath n start again..love them as ur own parents n forgive them as ur parents too...they will love u like nything....i have wonderful inlaws...n thye love me more than their son..but i always keep in mind thay have more right on him...so i always take a back seat... ALL THE BEST FOR ALL.....
Always remember that what ever treatment is given today by us to our parents expect the same from our children/doughter in law, because todays D-in-law is tomorrows M-in-Law.Majority of doughter in laws would never react to their critcism by mothers, but definitively, would not take it from mother in laws irrespective of their education.Hence it is very important that we all live amicably, adopt the new member of the family ,make enough space for her to be comfortable.Adopt the policy of forgive and forget and live happly there after.
RE:women and in laws
by jennifer on Nov 13, 2006 05:38 AM
If you can survive without them, go for it, but just beware how much your children and husband will resist, and possible backlash from the in-laws.
RE:women and in laws
by Kimaya on Sep 27, 2006 09:21 AM
Hi, Till i get married i used to think like you only.I was thinking if i am nice to every body then why fights will occur? My parents looked after my grand parents very well.So i am.I used to give medicines and used to take good care of my grandparents.I never hate old people.When i got married i thought i will do same as used to do.But here i am facing ego problems and many more.The life is not easy for me.I can't eaxplain.
