Whatever suggestions u have given..sar akhon par..but tell me what does one do if the motherinlaw just tells when it is not even 15 days from your marriage that you can stay away from us if you want. Where as i had come with the intention of staying in a joint family.
Another thing is that, if a lady has two sons..it is bound that one is going to be the favourite and the attitude is like...what if this one doesnt take care of us the other (favourite) one will definitely care and that how they dont care.
Its not easy ok. There are a lot many things in life than just what u have mentioned.
RE:poor outlook
by jennifer on Nov 13, 2006 05:21 AM
I confronted my in-laws and they had my children taken from me. It was their son that left the kids in the car to go play with his friends. I was at work, but they punish me. Rebel! Rebel with all your might! Don't end up like me! Rebel!
Yeah, all these tips sound nice, but what do I do if hubby dear evades the subject and leaves it to me to handle to avoid the major showdowns that they are so capable of? I must admit, I too am scared of the fights.
I believe the new girl should learn the values of her spouse\'s family first and then involve with them and finaly take a control and lead. Its similar to how you apply yourself in a new company :)
Yes adjustments have to be made. it is done everywhere. But what if you try to do your best and then you are not only verbally but physically abused. You are chucked out of the house in the middle of nights every second day. For something you dont even know whether it is related to nature, traditions or anything else in the house, you are blamed for it. what would you do if you and your parents are insulted and misbehaved with in front of the rest of the family and puiblic. Where does there so called experience go. Cant thery see that they are ruining their son's married life. they are kicking out the joys of their house themselves
I am writing this because i am in a lot of pain. I dont another person to suffer.If this mail of mine helps even one another women I will be happy and my soul will rest in peace.I have been contemplating suicide because i am just one of those women who inherited inlaws who could just not digest their son taking their daughter in law out. I was made a prisoner. When I approached my husband he told me in his family nobody talks against their parents. They are God. the worst was i have two sister in laws they too give negative suggestions to my husband. I tried every bag of tricks but nothing worked. My advice toy ou all would be if you fing your inlaws really toxic, dont feel guilty of leaving it took me 4 years of torture and a intensive care unit operation to understand this.They made me feel guilt of wrecking the family. But in the end they dint leave a option.If you are like me just leave , believe they will never change its waste of time and energy
RE:in laws
by Jennifer on Nov 13, 2006 05:17 AM
Oh, Jane! I understand! I couldn't take my in-laws abuse one more time, so I took three bottles of pain killers. My mothers intuition that I'd done something wrong and she called paramedics saved me. My husband was just playing video games the whole time. It just feels like no one understands why you feel the way you do, no matter how many times you try to explain. It feels like no one could ever love you from how your mother-in-law talks. There isn't one person in my husbands family that cares or even likes me. They all feel I ruined the family, that I'm trying to tear them apart. They hate me so much, I refuse to be around them if I can help it. And I alwas wonder why they don't do the things the've done to me to my husbands sister-in-law.
RE:in laws
by gita.satish on Sep 23, 2006 04:45 PM
Hi Jane,
Read whatever u have written, but pls do not ever think of taking ur life.
There are lot of options in life. U r educated take up some job and lead ur life independently slowly u will learn to forget the bitter things u faced in life.
Face life with more courage! Open up urself and be bold in front of ur in laws and husband if they accuse of anything just boldly talk in front of them give examples and ask them to prove where u have gone wrong or else just walk out of them.
The message is simple. You dont expect the entire family to change for 1 person. Getting Married is like a new job. I am hundred percent sure, that when faced with similar situations in Job, people (including men and women), tend to be patient and understanding. They work towards winning the other persons trust. The same applies to marriage. But we dont do it. Because you dont get Paid. If you lose the job, you know getting a new job will be tougher, but losing a husband or wife is not so, right?? How stupid can we get?? The wife forgets that the Mother in law is infact the same like her own mother, who will scold her when she makes a mistake. Ditto with the Husband, instead of making them sit down face to face and making them explain their individual importance in his life, he starts taking sides and trying to force the other to believe that she is wrong. Doesnt work that way people. Grow up, the solutions are simple, we dont tend to make things simple. We love to complicate things right??
RE:Bullshit!!! Could not read even 2 full para's
by Kimaya on Sep 27, 2006 08:40 AM
Hi, I thanked to god that my husband's thinking is not like you otherwise i had to put end to my life.He had seen what i had faced in my prenancy .I was saved 2 times from abortion due to mental stress. Now i am really feeling very lucky that my husband really understands my problems and he knows what i have sacrificed for him.
RE:Bullshit!!! Could not read even 2 full para's
by deeps on Sep 21, 2006 09:26 PM
hi parikshit, its nice to hear ur views. but i think u r lucky to have educated, moderate and generally nice kind of people and not have come across who manhandle women in their home; who appear to b nice and modern but r very narrow minded and orthodox; whose daughter can wear clothes as she like but daughter in law has to wear a few inches more than tulsi or parvati.u r lucky u r not a girl in such a family.
It seems mother-in law is considered vilian here :-). But the opposite is very much true. Would like to see rediff coming up with an article on Handling daughter-in-law: A mother-in laws perspective :-)
RE:Handling in-laws: The wife's perspective
by Jennifer on Nov 13, 2006 05:05 AM
Are you feeling alright? My mother-in-law hates me for no other reason than I grew up poor, and I already knew how to do everything I needed to do, without her advice, which usually was wrong. I don't like her because she stole my children and tells lies about me to strangers and tried to poison me.
