1) First decide the level at which you want to deal. i.e. From bottom of your heart, just make sure, that he/she is my family part & I am just trying to show him/her what is going on. Level can be changed during whole play. :)
Last level: Either This side or that side. Its not wise to play at this level initially. :)
Now comes negotiation time. 2) When any of such drama starts, throw wording ball. Tell him/her that last time, you had done this i.e. you did not preferred to come/ not preferred to join. But pls try to be this time. (Make good acting) -- Best way to bet is "In each of drama - be prepared to lose the BET mentally". :) This is best case to protect your mental fitness.
i agree with most of the points mentioned in this newsletter. However, it is just biased towards all the cons of the abuse and it considers almost all criticisms as emotional abuse, which according to me is wrong. There are certain areas in your life where you don't live up to the expectations of your partner or utilize your potential and thus your partner feels concerned about your state of mind and wants to somehow communicate this to you. The approach, the partner takes means a lot. My girlfriend has brought a huge difference in my life and she has been rude and insensitive towards me, it took me time and sense to learn and realize my faults. somehow your ego deters you from recognizing your weaknesses and your partner is there to help you overcome them. so the next time before considering the constructive criticism as an emotional abuse, think how it matters in your life and watch the pros and cons of it. open and sensitive communication between both he partners could really help in this matter, and the person advising you wants you to be the best and loves you always.
RE:emotional abuse
by kavita jha on Dec 02, 2006 06:48 PM
There is a big difference between constructive criticism (which is aimed to improve you) and emotional abuse though. You are saying you're girlfriend has changed you for better due to her constructive criticism. However, had she been emotionally abusing you, you would have changed for the worse. So don't make the mistake of making emotional abuse look like something a person deserves if they are imperfect (as everyone in this world is not perfect). What the article says is that it is that which drains you (rather than enriching you like constructive criticism) and destroys your self-esteem. Has your girlfriend done that to you??
RE:emotional abuse
by anuj on Dec 09, 2006 06:08 PM
so u mean ur husband was a emotion roller coaster... but now when u r out of the marriage... so we can say that... all well that ends well :)
the same thing happened with me during the short span of my marriage...everyday my husband tortured me emotionally...he was very abusive, everyday he used to insult me, threatened me and tried to degrade my self esteem. he told me that he had marry me out of pity. his parents were also same. after that he used to create a big drama by crying loudly and asking me to forgive him. luckily i have come out of that marriage. if i would have stayed few more days with him he culd possibly ruin me completely...both mentally and physically
RE:emotional abuse
by anuj on Dec 09, 2006 06:06 PM
it seems u just have the perception that u r being abused. let me ask a question:
do u like to be being with people around or r u a isolated type of person and like to work with ur laptop like stuff.... if u find the answer to this question.. u may be able to get the root cause of ur problem....
Myself and my family members have been facing severe emotional abuse by my wife and in laws right from the time of marriage. I've been trying to put an end to it but to no anvil.
I'm also being abused emotionally in my office by my superior, who wants me to be treated badly
This kind of abuse is not just in the home I face it everyday in the Office,.... Rejection,isolating, blame,fault-finding, no assistance / direction given, yelling..... so what is the cure for it, especially if you are not financially well off and need to keep the job? Please show us ways to deal with it instead of option of walking out. Advice should be CONSTRUCTIVE not destructive
a very well written and informative article. the psychological dissection has been done correctly and adequately. it is also rightly stated that emotional abuse can be worse than physical. I have witnessed this in my practice. Again I would suggest psychotherapy as part of the treatment plan.
RE:very informative article
by anuj on Dec 09, 2006 06:03 PM
if dont have guts then what help u need? some one can take a horse to the pond but cannot made it drink water... u have to do it urself..
I have been abused by my wife & inlaws since the begining of my marraige, the points discussed here are absolutely matching with my problem .If you can suggest some remedial measures
RE:emotional abuse
by Sreejith on Dec 02, 2006 08:49 AM
To Rajesh,
Don't worry too much on Your wife and in laws. Please focus on something higher say if You are a religious person (belief in Sanatana Dharma) You can focuss your full attention to the Lotus feet of Lord Sri Sri Radha-Krishna. We need to find higher meanings, dimensions of our lives. I know it is pretty difficult in Your case. Still You can think like, while in a bus journey often we will have some hiccups with the person standing near by. But the movement we alight from the bus we forget about that person and continue with our duties. After 10 days we may completely forget the situation also. I feel that Rajesh is deeply loving Your wife and other relatives. One thing i want to make it clear, please don't love THAT MUCH.
RE:emotional abuse
by Open Sky on Dec 02, 2006 10:51 AM
Hello,
Victim of the case need lot of strength from heart & Mind.
Most important thing is Assume that you are trying to solve the problem, in which you are considering your partner -- at -- the lowest level (that you would never had expected) -- But now you are almost sure that he/she only can go like this. Before the drama case arise, you must know HOW the drama can go on his/her part. (Your own experience of past is most handy here). & Let such things continue & Be observer from mind & keep smiling in heart. This would gather your courage in understanding your partner. i.e. Your tension would get lowered (As all is happening like your expectations/something that, you can judge i.e. I can't expect more that this from him/her)
BEWARE- Analise your past dramas & make sure that, its not fault at your side. Mistakes happens in speaking, behaving also from your side. Accept it & convey it in good words Or good feelings that you are not trying that much hard.
RE:emotional abuse
by life-becomes-hell on Dec 02, 2006 04:34 AM
Dear Rajesh,
you are not the only one.I believe you have kid(s) also. How painful the life becomes, i have realized that. I am fully there with you. Even society, always support women and go against the man who tries to manage everything. all sorts of blackmailing in the name of Abla and perfect behaviour expected from men only. after all when somebody talks aout equality it is the responsibilty of both to care, share, enjoy all happiness,sorrow,responsibility,each others feelings and above all "feeling him/her" own attitude toward other which will lead to emotional support and solve all other problems. Hope i am not talking one way here.
I have been abused by my wife & inlaws since the begining of my marraige, the points discussed here are absolutely matching with my problem .If you can suggest some remedial measures
RE:emotional abuse
by SAMEER on Dec 03, 2006 12:54 PM
Hi Rajesh, Practice the mantra "Tit for Tat" and you will be happy.If your wife doesn't care for you then you should not care for her.Be abusive to her and she will come on right path.Don't be submissive unnecessarily and maintain self respect and dignity.
RE:emotional abuse
by orabackup on Dec 02, 2006 01:18 AM
Hi Rajesh,
Don't care a damn about your inlaws, who the hell are they?? Just be a true man, be stately, calm and focussed on your work and values. Don't be weak and don't crave for a woman's love too much. If you get it, great, thank God for His blessings, but if you don't, realise that God has some scheme for you, and pray to Him daily, He will give you strength, courage and nobility, and He will send good people to you. Take setbacks and difficulties as philosophically as you can, but be as chivalrous as only YOU can!
True happiness will come to you when you stay on course and not totter, ever. Hang in there always pal, do your best, and do your duty conscentiously without thinking of any benefits, be at your smartest un-emotional and discerning best in your life! I know its tough, but you know what the truth is - When the going gets tough, the TOUGH GET GOING. May God bless you!
