a lot about how to deal with emotional abuse...but if the partner( abusive one) totally refuses to understand the situation and refuses to talk to anybody else (coucellor, another family member, etc) saying these things are to be between partners and not any third person and then sorts to physical abuse or more emotional abuse for bringing up the topic or for blaming him/her for the emotional abuse, making it intolerable for the victim....what then???
does our indian legal system consider this kind of abuse as an offensive one? a punishable act?
or it has to be sorted out within family and friends or the most a psychological councellor? which sometimes i believe isnt very effective.
Re: any legal action?
by vikram sundar on Jul 31, 2010 12:30 AM
is there any way of combating verbal abuse at work place,human resources dept is simply a puppet at management hands,they are least concerned about employees emotional well being is there any forum where i can address it
You really should give the readers a break - certain aspects of the points mentioned above are just a way a guy and girl interacts - do not classify it as "ABUSE". Its just another of those well synchronized emotional dances that finally gets everyone happy.
"Unreasonable expectations" - expectations vary and whats perceived as unreasonable at a certain point of day might not be unreasonable at a later point in the same day - between the same 2 people...
A LOT of things constitute normal and un-normal behaviour between a man and a woman, and there is no "To Do" list thats gonna make it perfect for anyone.
Prepare to give and take happiness and crap - and ull be fine, and readers, do NOT feel guilty for doing anything the author has called "Abusive" here... cuz at the end of the day, if you 2 wanna be together and not part - you've got it workin well... EVEN if certain parts of your behaviour might seem like it fits into the so called "abusive" category as the author points out.
So, quit trying to perfect u - u didnt learn any lesson from this essay. chillax, enjoy, uve got... what.... 50 more years on the plant? Enjoy madi.
I think...i think i m victim of it...i accept it openly ...but there r few things i m right but .now i m ready for my treatment with my life partner ...Thks SIR, really i m really suffering from this .
And i m gona speak to my life partner...we will short out problem very soon ..Thanks a lot SIR...
Dear publisher - Thank you for bringing out the issue in gender neutral terms. Emotional abuse of men is RAMPANT in middle and upper middle class families. Soceietal conditioning and middle class mores are forcing men not to even acknowledge emotional abuse, let alone act on the same.
Now adding fuel to the fire, the abuser also has weapons of blackmail in the form of 498a and DV acts. Where can the men turn to? Nowhere!!
The suicide statistics of married and separated men do tell a telling story, only if one has the courage to look into them, investigate them and propose societal remedies for the same. Every family has sons, fathers, brothers and husbands. Those males have mothers, daughters, sisters and wives. When a man's life is ruined by the wife, there are many other women also who suffer the emotional scars.
It is about time, we frame this debate in absolute gender neutral and family welfare terms.
What ever the abuse, whoever be the culprit(wife or husband) and whose-so-ever be the victim(husband or wife) there is one single remedy suggsted by women organizations(and our parliament) and it is
"Let us blame husbands squarely. Put them and their families behind jail, such that the wife/DIL has the last laugh and can nurse her ego".
great article! ppl who r in such a relatn plz gt out asap, cos it only hurts to stay..enjoy d freedom lifes 2 gud 2 b wastd in relatn whch is nt worth it, believe me and am sayin this by my experience!!
Thanks Guys......Whomsoever is the author BIG Thanks..I realise I have been doing this to my lover... and she has been very accomodative in accepting me as it is. Will sure make a turnaround
Here comes action time. 1) Finding best place to take action is must. Never try such action with your family members. You must have someone of his/her family member -- WHO is WISE, who has noted your partner's behaviour in past. RESPECT has to be maintained with Elders & Cool talk has to be made with younger of in-laws family. So, best place is to raise action only when someone from his family is present. (Feel cool, if you miss the action place -- let the turn go blank this time -- But you can include the topic again in future :) ).
& This time simply do war! Start with explaining all things that done wrong. & FINAL lines should be i can accept it as mistakes -- even if it repeats by mistake again, i want mind... --- But if it is getting repeated just for life time--- I AM NOT GOING TO ACCEPT. Also explain all good topics of your partner here.
WARNING: Initially try to fight for all the small & silly points. OR you can start for the WORST point also (i.e. something that can never be accepted).
BUT- NEVER fight for any of NEW drama. Let such one drama happen in past & be in your mind.
:)
Last: -- Notice the changed behaviour & continue your fight to save family positively. :)
Here comes to be PREPARATION Time. 1) If you are staying in joint family -- make sure, your own members are treating your partner KINDLY. If no, (Gather your courage & explain them or even WARN THEM - "its not only you decided to marry him/her -- whole family came in wedding! Its not only you went to select your partner -- MOST of family members were came before engagement!) (SORRY no experience for Love marriage :) -- In that case, you can WARN based on acceptance of your love marriage & your own nature.)
BE GENUINE/open Hearth with your parents/ well wishers in private talk & explain them to stay cool for few months. BEWARE:Never show your partners mistakes to your own family members -- at least until war starts.
2) If you are away from joint family -- Spend few money in phone call & TALK warmly with your in-laws -- (i.e. his/her family) & only sometimes give them few hints. But accept it. & continue to maintain relations.
If you believe in super natural power, keep waiting, History repeat itself. Whole your family is same at both side.. i.e. There is in-laws on both side. So history would repeat on both sides. The drama which your partner is doing on your family side --- same drama can come at his/her family side too.
Here comes TO BE KIND times...
But YOUR FIRST CASE should be you must follow his/her family side DRAMA as positive. If your partner is denying to come with your friends, when the case arise to go with his/her friends, EVEN THOUGH you feel like a dumb follower -- you have to do it once.--- BE FOOL to save your family life. :) Repeat this case for 2-3 times. -- Your temper is limit here. DONT LOOSE TEMPER.
