My husband works on the road as a truck driver. He's only home 2-4 days a month. We have 4 children between the ages of 5 and 11. I'm left with all the responsibility of caring for the children and maintaining household chores. I work outside the home as well. How do a marriage survive under such conditions? I feel angry with my husband but i know he's out there to provide more for his family. But he has very little time to spend with his family. Can such a marriage be saved? If so, under what circumstances? I feel lonely most of the time but tries to maintain faithful to my husband. We talk by phone everyday sometimes 3-4 times a day but it just isn't enough. We need intimacy.
hi am having lot of problems in my marriage from the day we got married i hv forgotten the meaning of happiness, we hv our ego clashes, we dont repect eachother,i come from well educated upper middle class family whereas he comes from a middle class family,where only the daughters r given all the importance and the daughter inlaw remains a daughter inlaw whtever she may do,almost daily we end up fighting be it the inlaws issues be it anyother issue,my husband is in a habit of cribbing for every small thing which is really annoying and at the end it irritates me.Even his friends find him a difficult man to live with,am really waiting for the day when this relationship to end and i'll be able to start fresh all over again,my parents hv also seen his true colors they also worry about me all the time,they dont like him.Am sure am also at fault somewhere it takes two to tango,he has been unwell eversince we hv gotten married,so many times i have rushed him to the hospital in the middle of the night and now lately he had a mild stroke,me and my family stood by him but he doesnt know how to show gratitude to people,to his own wife.he is such an unhappy person,all my efforts hv gone waste.
RE:marriage
by vinod gosha on Jan 18, 2007 12:24 PM
it happens every where, talk with him what you feel very camly after that hear from him what all things he want to tell. dont include others in this job, its between both of you
Dr. Samindara Sawant , I am having a lot of problems in my marriage ,i don't know from where to start now already 4 years we married. my inlaws are very dominating,strict,demanding. In short they don't behave good with me and also with my parents they make my parenst cry everytime.that still somewhere i can adjust. my problem is my husband, he is good educated earning good money but he thinks the same way like my inlaws, he thinks whatever they are doing is correct. he doesn't understand my feelings not so caring for me. but he is very nice son he cares a lot for his parents. now after 4 years i expect my husband should also think about me but i think he will never change or may change after 50 years.i tried a lot to make him understand but not successful. i just think about my 2 years old son and keep quiet soemtimes thinking slowly things will change and he should not suffer, but my husband is very angry man he don't understand all these but he is very polite with his parnets will never answer back or raise voice.i wnat to live peacefully with my son,i am a working lady,plz advise
RE:problems in my marriage
by AJJ on Dec 05, 2006 12:45 PM
Sixth point
Some human beings are like that especially in new generations. Whatever you give them they are not happy and they want more. Husband goes to work wife is worried and bothered about only her duties at home, especially taking care of the baby. They are not bothered about tensions and problems their husband face in their office. Either you go out everyday or not human will get fed up with the way of life they lead. Secret is women are slow in things they do especially during initial stages of their married life.(I am talking about non working woman)
They expect their hubby to care of the baby from the moment their husband comes back home. Men may have something to study or to refer, but no chance. This will only increase the tension in their mind which will lead to further crises.
Have you ever heard any husband asking any wife to take care of their duties which men usually do?
Best way to avoid these problems is to arrange someone to take care of your baby and house hold works, so nobody gets irritated with these kinds of problems. Or just keep quiet and wait for the kid to grow, within two years time woman will mature or they will get used to the situatios!
I am agree with the point No.6, that in my case my husband is not helping me in my house hold work. I am a servicing lady after completing the household work alone i hv to reach at office at 9 am. We hv a small kid age 1 1/2 years. we r keeping her in the cruch while going to office and bringing her back while returning from the office. my husband was helping me in our earlier married life but after 3 years he is not helping me telling that he is very tired. Sometimes he brings vegetables and groceries from the shop. Now i hv adjusted myself but sometimes i get upset and beating my small child for simple reasons. and sometimes i quarell with my husband.
What to do , he will not listen to help me. sometimes we go to hotel for food. This is our life.
RE:Point No. 6
by kishor kadulkar on Feb 06, 2007 01:30 PM
Meghana,
This is the most common problem in married couple. But not that serious as we all think and react like beating our own children knowing that they dont react back. Please control your anger, use some triks and make your husband work equally at home because you work equally out to earn for family. make him realise this. Some times i prepare complete meal at home. Tell you Husband with love that you want to taste the food of his hand and see .
RE:Point No. 6
by Mohan on May 30, 2005 01:44 PM
Hello Meghana, It's quite possible that your husband gets tired while coming back from office. That's the case with many, not just your husband. There are a few things that you could do so as to keep your family in balance: 1. Go out on weekends together with the kid. Spend some lively time outside the house. Forget cooking during the weekend and spend time and eat together out. When both of you are in good frame of mind, slowly tell your husband how difficult it is for you to manage everything alone especially when you have a kid. Convey your husband that sharing household work gives more accountability for the husband as a responsible family member. 2. Because you say that your husband comes back tired, try providing him food which is rich in carbohydrates. Ask your husband to drink glucose at office atleast 5-6 glasses a day. That keeps your husband active and healthy all through the day. 4. Avoid beating the child. That's a very bad habit. Kids learn a lot at this age. This is the time when you ahve to be patient with the kid. If you get angry, count the number from 1 to 10. If you do it and still you are angry, try counting reverse from 10 to 1 and repeat this.
Hi friends, Are we not getting into a futile argument on who is working more for the welfare of the family?The indisputable fact is that only when both man and woman work together to solve the problems facing them,there shall be a happy bonding between them in spite of all the hardships they have to undergo.Dear Arun,while the work done by a man is quantified and he gets paid for it by his office,there is no such luck for the woman.If she's a housewife,she slogs(I'm talking of the archetype Bharatiya Nari) from morning to night and has to put up with the idiosynchracies of her husband and in-laws.If she chooses to protest,the society will immediately see red.And,remember,all this without getting any monetary compensation which makes her a financial slave for life.If she also takes up a job to financially support the family,her burden only multiplies.This is not to say that the men are just silent spectators and do nothing for the family.For every wayward husband,there will be at least 5 who are extremely empathetic,caring and equally worthy of a woman in all sense.So let's not try to analyse who's more important-for the fact is that God has created each for a specific purpose.Amen
I think the point on which i will be focusing all , will be accepted by many in the popullation .
It is very true that before marriage guys are very excited and they dont get tired telling "I love u " so many times but after marriage this dilogue becomes irritating. And it happens bocz guys becomes bored. I am noting taking side of girls , it can happen for both the sex.
Why this argument should raise. If u see , in every socio econiomic family women are warking - are they not take care of their house and children ? If any guys are telling a big NO then he / she is telling lie and that person is not atall suitable for the family life. If the guys have so problem after marriage why they get married. Right . Thanks
RE:Shaddi Ka Laddu
by Vipin Malhotra on May 23, 2005 09:23 PM
Dear Ms Das
The scenario changes after marriage because after the initial natural romance between the opposite sexes, the way of thinking generally doesn't change.It still remains unidimensional. It fails to realise that opposite sexes think also in opposite ways.While men think that they can make their spouses happy by earning more and more, the women think that her man should listen to and be with her more and more.Unless both realise this divine design and try to understand each other by honestly discussing their needs, the marriages will keep on flopping.
I agree that men have to work for long hours to earn lots of money to make their wife and child happy. Wife puts in equal amount of effort to run the house.Her Day starts with preparing tea,then the breakfast,making kids ready for school,cleaning the house,preparing lunch,washing dirty clothes,washing vessels,then the evening tea,finally preparing the dinner!Thats not all she also has to take care of house expenses,settle the bills of milk man,laundry,make the kids study...etc., Only if money could buy happiness! Its the quality time, is all that a wife wants.
