I don't know the writer, but agree with her about the concern and the practice. When i got married in 1997, i haven't taken a single penny or single gram of gold. I agree with your last para of your write up. It is not only In laws respect you , but one also come to in laws place high head.No sub consensus hunting.And why shall girls parent pay and give gold. They are already send their dearest daughter to others home.
Change the concept of marriage and life.First the girls should get educated, second should not sit at home, should work, drive etc and learn and live up to date like men. Thus there will not be girl going to boys place or vice versa. Putting a lot of gold is a tribal attitude, hence invest in useful and appreciating properties like land or house and live an equal life which is possible. You want to enjoy burdening the boy only go for the traditional methods
Re: Change the concept and have good life
by pravin sarode on Nov 16, 2013 08:37 AM
our celebrities set such false standdards of life say deepika in movie Chennai express wears 1 kg gold as if she is doing marketing of VGN jewellers or some gold mines so celibrities r at fault?
Just to add my note on dowry. I am keralite, so speaking about the upper middle class of same community.
Even the most educated and well employed professional girls take / get gold around 60 - 100 sovereigns or so. Most of them don't wear it, at least in my community. Some of them actually wear it looking like an xmas tree.
Most parents who own few crores worth land / property, give just a fraction of that to girls. Boys get 3-4 times more than girls. This changes in case of poor families, but mostly boys get most of it.
Dowry in a way is cheating the girls. They give 50 lcas 20 lacs worth of gold where as her brother would be getting few crores worth property. This is something that need to be changed, girls are never given equal share of her parents wealth.
She seems to have misunderstood or rather don't have real knowlwdge about how the world works.
Gold is the only investment you can wear. People spend 10 lacks or so in wedding expenses these days and most middle class parents would think it is better to buy more gold and spend less on clothes and other expenses. That is sensible, Gold is a smart investment that more than make up for the inflation, something you can show off, something that can very easily be liquidated. So this gold craze is far from madness, that is one lesson that life must have taught your parents.
Demanding dowry is something no one with some dignity will do these days, but they are still interested in money - whatever shape it comes. Your in laws are in no way expected to "demand", especially yours being a love marrige. But your parents know, they have to "give", you are too naive to understand all these. Don't jump into any conclusion about your in laws just because they didn't ask, it is too early.
Dowry is obviously not right. But even worse is not equally sharing the parents property. Most Indian societies still give majority to boys and just small amount to girls, which isn't right. Even in societies where there is no dowry, people marry for money. That is a reality. Most people would prefer to marry rich boys / girls, everything else being same. So this is just another way of doing it. You have to see it in totality,not just as dowry / no dowry.
